Comments for Not Another Aiden http://trans.kolyafloit.com Life of A Non-Standard Gay (trans)Guy Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:25:04 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 Comment on Guest Post: Sexism Exists!!!! Thoughts and solace from a gay trans man. by ShipofFools http://trans.kolyafloit.com/archives/sexism-thoughts-from-gay-trans-man/comment-page-1#comment-728 ShipofFools Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:25:04 +0000 http://trans.kolyafloit.com/?p=189#comment-728 feminism is definetey flawed, though not in all aspects. I have met several ftm who after being feminists have gone through a phase of being severely trans-bashed by their feminist friends. It is understandable that after such traumatizing experiences they take a distance to feminists. Another thing that I have witnessed is the weird fact that sme ftm in the early stages who are active in feminist gender queer communities can become something of icons or heroes to that communities. but when they start to pass fiull time, which inevitably will happen, people start to keep a distance, while the ftm hasn't changed his behaviour or political attitude. I found that very sad to watch. my personal attitude after such a phase of alienation is that feminism is not feminists. I can be a feminist without some people's approval. I know what sexist discrimination is, because I have experienced it many times. if some feminists choose to behave like idiots that's not my problem. it's just human nature. feminism is definetey flawed, though not in all aspects.
I have met several ftm who after being feminists have gone through a phase of being severely trans-bashed by their feminist friends. It is understandable that after such traumatizing experiences they take a distance to feminists. Another thing that I have witnessed is the weird fact that sme ftm in the early stages who are active in feminist gender queer communities can become something of icons or heroes to that communities. but when they start to pass fiull time, which inevitably will happen, people start to keep a distance, while the ftm hasn’t changed his behaviour or political attitude. I found that very sad to watch.

my personal attitude after such a phase of alienation is that feminism is not feminists. I can be a feminist without some people’s approval. I know what sexist discrimination is, because I have experienced it many times. if some feminists choose to behave like idiots that’s not my problem. it’s just human nature.

Rate: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

]]> Comment on Guest Post: Sexism Exists!!!! Thoughts and solace from a gay trans man. by kian http://trans.kolyafloit.com/archives/sexism-thoughts-from-gay-trans-man/comment-page-1#comment-727 kian Fri, 12 Mar 2010 01:13:22 +0000 http://trans.kolyafloit.com/?p=189#comment-727 "Another effect of this is that I get repulsed from time to time by being trans, because “men” (as a class) are so terrible. On a social or political level I’m mostly female identified." I used to feel this way until I realized it was feminism that is flawed because it doesn't allow for people like us. Politically, I am gay and trans identified, but I totally understand that you're at least partially still female-identified. There is a lot of social pressure from within the queer community to tow the the party line and admit that the world sucks for women more than anything else. And so we get stuck in this constant state of purgatory in which we can't fully accept our trans ness because we have been taught that men are the enemy. I refuse to believe this anymore, but I also refuse to accept the other side's version either (women are imagining that sexism exists). I'm done feeling guilty for things I didn't do. And a lot of men are also done feeling guilty for being male as well. But I also don't know where to go from here. How do we talk about these things without being accused, once again, of being anti-feminist or anti-women? Can there be a non-heated discussion of trans people by feminists without sexism sucking all the air out of the room? Now that trans women are being accepted more regularly by cis women feminist circles, what happens to the trans men who were once politically aligned with women and who are now being expelled from the ranks? In theory, we'd stay, but the hostility I face as a man in feminist circles is often more than I want to put myself through. But I don't want to be on the sidelines either. I used to be heavily involved in politics, but my experience with feminists upon coming out turned me away from politics for a while. I want back in, but no group wants me. And since fighting with women feels pointless, I decided to funnel my efforts into trans and gay activism. I read feminist blogs and books a lot less that I used to and I never comment anymore. One could say that I've almost completely given up on feminism as a way to combat the ills of the world... “Another effect of this is that I get repulsed from time to time by being trans, because “men” (as a class) are so terrible. On a social or political level I’m mostly female identified.”

I used to feel this way until I realized it was feminism that is flawed because it doesn’t allow for people like us. Politically, I am gay and trans identified, but I totally understand that you’re at least partially still female-identified. There is a lot of social pressure from within the queer community to tow the the party line and admit that the world sucks for women more than anything else. And so we get stuck in this constant state of purgatory in which we can’t fully accept our trans ness because we have been taught that men are the enemy. I refuse to believe this anymore, but I also refuse to accept the other side’s version either (women are imagining that sexism exists). I’m done feeling guilty for things I didn’t do. And a lot of men are also done feeling guilty for being male as well. But I also don’t know where to go from here.

How do we talk about these things without being accused, once again, of being anti-feminist or anti-women?

Can there be a non-heated discussion of trans people by feminists without sexism sucking all the air out of the room?

Now that trans women are being accepted more regularly by cis women feminist circles, what happens to the trans men who were once politically aligned with women and who are now being expelled from the ranks? In theory, we’d stay, but the hostility I face as a man in feminist circles is often more than I want to put myself through. But I don’t want to be on the sidelines either. I used to be heavily involved in politics, but my experience with feminists upon coming out turned me away from politics for a while. I want back in, but no group wants me. And since fighting with women feels pointless, I decided to funnel my efforts into trans and gay activism. I read feminist blogs and books a lot less that I used to and I never comment anymore. One could say that I’ve almost completely given up on feminism as a way to combat the ills of the world…

Rate: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

]]> Comment on Guest Post: Sexism Exists!!!! Thoughts and solace from a gay trans man. by ShipofFools http://trans.kolyafloit.com/archives/sexism-thoughts-from-gay-trans-man/comment-page-1#comment-726 ShipofFools Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:05:51 +0000 http://trans.kolyafloit.com/?p=189#comment-726 Another effect of this is that I get repulsed from time to time by being trans, because "men" (as a class) are so terrible. On a social or political level I'm mostly female identified. The interetsing thing is that there are more and more cis men who feel the same. They understand what's going on in the world, they ofter grew up with women, and they hate that they are men. On the other hand, as I said, today I tend to think that there aepretty horrible men *and* women on this planet. and that refusing to se the violence that is perpetrated by women is one of the sins of feminism. (f.e. almost all violence against children is perpetrated by women, not by men). Another effect of this is that I get repulsed from time to time by being trans, because “men” (as a class) are so terrible. On a social or political level I’m mostly female identified.
The interetsing thing is that there are more and more cis men who feel the same. They understand what’s going on in the world, they ofter grew up with women, and they hate that they are men.
On the other hand, as I said, today I tend to think that there aepretty horrible men *and* women on this planet. and that refusing to se the violence that is perpetrated by women is one of the sins of feminism. (f.e. almost all violence against children is perpetrated by women, not by men).

Rate: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

]]> Comment on Guest Post: Sexism Exists!!!! Thoughts and solace from a gay trans man. by kian http://trans.kolyafloit.com/archives/sexism-thoughts-from-gay-trans-man/comment-page-1#comment-725 kian Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:03:18 +0000 http://trans.kolyafloit.com/?p=189#comment-725 I like your analogy to survivor's guilt because that's what it feels like. I didn't choose my reality and yet I feel responsible for the outcome. A lot of cis women think transitioning is a choice and it is on a very superficial level, in that I choose every week whether or not to stick the needle in my leg. The root of the problem, however, is not superficial at all. In fact, it is one of the least superficial things I can think of because gender is such a huge part of one's identity. There have been periods that I felt so unbelievably guilty that I stopped taking testosterone for weeks at a time. I couldn't enjoy my manhood because I spent so much time worrying that my new identity would somehow make the world a worse place to live in for women. So every week became a test of will in which I psyched myself up to just jump over the guilt just long enough to stick the needle in. Right now, I'm finally so sick of feeling guilty that I needed to write it all out for others to see. Its hard enough to transition, but losing my friends because their version of feminism didn't fit well with my reality was heartbreaking. I really want feminist women to read this and understand that every time you argue with your pre-transition trans guy friend over his transsexuality/transgenderism, you are trying to invalidate his identity. And if you keep doing it for the sake of arguing some feminist principle or because it strikes an emotional chord, you are get further and further from being a friend. Eventually, you will lose your trans friend because you couldn't accept him simply because his reality didn't fit into your worldview. And if you can't accept transsexuality for one reason or another, then I'd suggest not talking to trans people anymore until you can. I like your analogy to survivor’s guilt because that’s what it feels like. I didn’t choose my reality and yet I feel responsible for the outcome. A lot of cis women think transitioning is a choice and it is on a very superficial level, in that I choose every week whether or not to stick the needle in my leg. The root of the problem, however, is not superficial at all. In fact, it is one of the least superficial things I can think of because gender is such a huge part of one’s identity.

There have been periods that I felt so unbelievably guilty that I stopped taking testosterone for weeks at a time. I couldn’t enjoy my manhood because I spent so much time worrying that my new identity would somehow make the world a worse place to live in for women. So every week became a test of will in which I psyched myself up to just jump over the guilt just long enough to stick the needle in. Right now, I’m finally so sick of feeling guilty that I needed to write it all out for others to see.

Its hard enough to transition, but losing my friends because their version of feminism didn’t fit well with my reality was heartbreaking. I really want feminist women to read this and understand that every time you argue with your pre-transition trans guy friend over his transsexuality/transgenderism, you are trying to invalidate his identity. And if you keep doing it for the sake of arguing some feminist principle or because it strikes an emotional chord, you are get further and further from being a friend. Eventually, you will lose your trans friend because you couldn’t accept him simply because his reality didn’t fit into your worldview. And if you can’t accept transsexuality for one reason or another, then I’d suggest not talking to trans people anymore until you can.

Rate: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

]]> Comment on Guest Post: Sexism Exists!!!! Thoughts and solace from a gay trans man. by ShipofFools http://trans.kolyafloit.com/archives/sexism-thoughts-from-gay-trans-man/comment-page-1#comment-724 ShipofFools Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:20:10 +0000 http://trans.kolyafloit.com/?p=189#comment-724 you could just delete the second part of the title, and add something about the guilt aspect. this is a huge topic, I think. in a way the guilt we feel is a result of the oppression of women too. a bit like survivor's guilt, where the persons who gets off feels tremendous guilt. but it was also an artificially caused guilt because I was *told* to feel guilty by women who saw me as a traitor. As I know what is at stake, I felt terrible. It's like the kid from a minority group who leaves that group for a "better" life. The leaving itself is a sin even if the new life isn't better than the old one. There is envy involved, naturally. and also the feeling of: if he can leave why can't I? or : If he leaves, does that mean I could have left years ago? For women it is often connected to fantasies that they have about the mythical freedom and power that men are supposed to have and that they project on ftm. also many women project their anger about men on ftm. more than once I have been witness that women accepted certain behaviour from cismen but bashed me angrily for the same behaviour. it's some kind of revenge. I feel like transpeople (transwomen too) get trapped in the middle of the war between men and women. My guilt only got less when I was confronted with a lot of vioence by women. I realized that things are not so black and white. that doesn't change my feminist stance or my hatred of oppression, of course. you could just delete the second part of the title, and add something about the guilt aspect.

this is a huge topic, I think. in a way the guilt we feel is a result of the oppression of women too. a bit like survivor’s guilt, where the persons who gets off feels tremendous guilt.

but it was also an artificially caused guilt because I was *told* to feel guilty by women who saw me as a traitor. As I know what is at stake, I felt terrible.
It’s like the kid from a minority group who leaves that group for a “better” life. The leaving itself is a sin even if the new life isn’t better than the old one.
There is envy involved, naturally. and also the feeling of: if he can leave why can’t I? or : If he leaves, does that mean I could have left years ago?
For women it is often connected to fantasies that they have about the mythical freedom and power that men are supposed to have and that they project on ftm.
also many women project their anger about men on ftm. more than once I have been witness that women accepted certain behaviour from cismen but bashed me angrily for the same behaviour. it’s some kind of revenge.
I feel like transpeople (transwomen too) get trapped in the middle of the war between men and women.

My guilt only got less when I was confronted with a lot of vioence by women. I realized that things are not so black and white. that doesn’t change my feminist stance or my hatred of oppression, of course.

Rate: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

]]>