This past week a couple of seemingly unrelated things happened to make me wonder how everyone genders (or doesn’t gender) their pets.  One of my friends is trying to adopt a puppy and my section of the power grid decided to take an extended vacation.  Normally I wouldn’t bother mentioning either of these, but because I was bored and had nothing to do except try not to set my apartment on fire with an over-abundance of emergency candles I decided to head out and explore my new neighbourhood (just moved, for those of you who don’t read the Tumblog).

One of the stores I found was one of those trendy, posh dog stores.  The kind that caters to fashionable types with lap dogs in purses.  I like dogs (who doesn’t like cuddly animals?) and thought I’d stop in to see if there was anything I could get for my friend’s potential pup.  Not like a new puppy owner can ever have too many chew toys or balls to chase.

I was absolutely floored by how much of what was sold was gendered.  Pink, furry dog collars with “Diva” and “Princess” written on them in script.  Red plaid collars with “Butch” or “Killer” in block capitals.  Now, I suppose you could make a case for a pink, furry “Diva” collar being for gay men and the red plaid “Butch” ones for lesbians, but I don’t think that’s really what the manufacturers had in mind.

I hit up Target later to stock up on more candles and a camp stove and decided to see what their pet section looked like.  More gendered collars, toys, beds, clothes, etc.  Maybe it’s just me, but when I had dogs I never really put them in gender specific things.  Hell, they didn’t even have gender specific names.  So is this a new trend or is it something that’s been going on forever and I just didn’t notice?  Do you guys get gender specific accessories for your pets?  Anyone out there with a boy dog and Diva collar?

As most people here know, I’m about 90-99% stealth.  That is, there are only a handful of people in my metro area who both know who I am offline and that I’m trans.  About half are people I’ve slept with, maybe a third are doctors or other medical personnel, and the rest are friends or random people who needed to know (for instance, the financial aid counselor at my university).  Obviously this means I use only the men’s restrooms, locker rooms, etc.

There are just a couple of problems.  First off, I come from a family where even the non-trans men get called “ma’am” until about 30.  When I started T I figured I’d have to wait until at least 40 to pass easily and I’m fine with that, one of the advantages to coming from a gender-ambiguous family is that I know just how common feminine looking guys are.  The bigger issue is that the, uh, monthly horror didn’t stop until about a month ago (and I’m still not 100% sure).  So what do you do when you want/need to use the men’s room, but have to deal with female cycles?

1. Tampons are your friend.  I had intense dysphoria until the T started kicking in so I couldn’t use them until a year or so ago, but if you can stomach the idea I highly suggest it.  They’re easier to get rid of than most alternatives.
2. Also useful, but something I could never in a million years use: divacups/other reusable tampon-like things.  They freak me the fuck out (I’m afraid of it getting stuck, sue me), but I know guys who swear by them.  If you’re comfortable, go for it.  I would’ve if I ever worked up the balls.
3. See if you can find a single stall.  I know, basic Trans 101, but I tend to forget things like this when I’m nervous so I thought I’d remind everyone.
4. Don’t panic.  For god’s sake, don’t creep into the bathroom like you’re trying to take naughty pictures or something.  Nothing makes a person stand out more than trying not to stand out.  Unless you’re in a gay setting, the guys aren’t looking at you.  It’s a thing, no one wants to be the one caught checking out another dude.  Just pretend it’s the ladies’ room and walk in as if you’ve been doing it your entire life.  Worst that happens is some guy tries to be nice and point you in the direction of the “right” bathroom (at which point I suggest acting really offended or embarrassed — embarrassed tends to work better if you often get called “son” and want to go for the pretty-boy-adolescent thing).
5. The vast majority of guys will never notice the sound of you unwrapping whatever protective measures you decide to use.  However, if you’re concerned (I still am sometimes) you can learn to unwrap things in your pocket with a bit of practice.  Backings get a bit of pocket lint on them, but they stay well enough.
6. If you have to toss something in the trash, carry a bag with you.  Wrap item in toilet paper, put in bag, and dump on the way out.
7. Packers can be placed in front of maxi-pads if you’re so inclined.  The sticky backing actually really helps them stay in place.
8. Yes, pads do work with most men’s underwear.  I’ve heard boxers are a problem and I can guess why, but I don’t wear them so I’ve never tested it out.
9. Find a coping mechanism.  For me that week was always the most dysphoric time.  Until recently I was barely functional, it was that bad.  If you have the same issue, try to find something that makes you feel more manly.  For me it was drag performance, being around a bunch of guys in gowns made me feel like I fit in.
10. By the same token, avoid your triggers.  I absolutely refused to watch any porn during that time, it just reminded me of what I don’t have.

So now you know, it is possible to deal with the more annoying aspects of having a uterus while not giving up your life as a guy.  It takes some practice and a certain amount of confidence, but it’s possible.

Note: If you’re still cycling after a year or so (some would say six months) you should talk to your doctor.  Same goes for breakthrough bleeding after not cycling for several months.  It’s not always a problem (in my case it was just a reproductive system that refused to die), but with this sort of thing it’s better to be sure.

I’ve been toying with the idea of adding a forum to the site when I transfer it over to my own domain (probably sometime in late February).  There are a couple of posts that have gotten a bit unwieldy in the comments and I figured it might be kind of cool to have an area to chat.  Would anyone be interested or am I getting a bit ahead of myself?

…a few search terms from the past couple of days need addressed.

Is it ok to hit a transman? No.  It’s not ok to hit ANYONE.  Stop being an asshole.  Unless he’s being an asshole and hitting/trying to hit you.  In which case I’m all for self defence.

Where can a gay FtM get laid? Depends on the area, mate.  Some guys can go into bath houses with no problems, other guys  live in areas where being trans is like the kiss of death.  If there are other gay trans guys in the area ask them.  If there aren’t…test places out.

How do I come out as a girlfag? I have no fucking clue what this even means so I’m guessing I can’t help you much.  Basically if it has “girl” in the name, you’re probably not going to find it here.

Can a FtM really fuck a woman? How the hell would I know?  I’m guessing yes, but that’s just because people keep telling me they can. Go ask an FtM who fucks women.

Do gay trans men hate women? No.  Not any of the guys I know, anyway.  We just aren’t women and don’t want to sleep with women.  Like any other guy, we do have the potential to be misogynistic.  I’m sure some guys are, I just haven’t met any of them.  Oddly enough, I’ve met straight trans guys who are.  Not sure why anyone dates them.

Are transmen more men than biomen? No.  We’re just as much of men as any other guy.  Some of us are still more boys than men, just like any other young guy.  We’re not magically special just because we came out.  (And a lot of people don’t like ‘bioman’ so you may want to switch to ‘cisman’ to make your life easier.)

I don’t normally do resource posts, but I’ve gotten more hits for variations on “Jewish transsexual” in the past hour than I have for any other search term in the history of the blog.  I’m not really qualified to speak authoritatively on the subject myself (not being all that well-versed in biblical Hebrew, let alone Jewish law) so here are a few pages I’ve found that may be of interest.

Judaism and Gender Issues – I’m hesitant to link this one because [a] it’s focused on MtF transsexuals and [b] it’s from an Orthodox perspective and therefore mildly anti-gay, but it may be of use to someone so it’ll stay.

Jewish Mosaic – GLBT positive site that includes trans* specific resources.

TransTorah – Kind of a cool site that includes blessings and prayers specifically for trans* people.  Bit too new age and gender theory for me, but still interesting.

I wish I knew of more places, but that’s all I’ve got.  If anyone can point me to more I’ll be happy to add them.  I’m especially interested in pages that discuss transsexuality in terms of Jewish law, but they seem to be hard to find.